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Great, now I'm just dating one person like a commoner.

When they all drop off the map except for the one you were the least into.

And I LOVED her response: Here’s the deal: the systems aren’t broken, the people are broken. By this time, I had gone on what felt like hundreds of dates – so I had a lot of experiences to draw from. Everyone wants that.) It was one of the few times in my life I was caught with nothing to say. ANYWAY: we all know that people don’t necessarily like to do hard work – especially on themselves. Sure, sites and apps like Coffee Meets Bagel does make it easier to meet someone you might never run into IRL, but at a base level, the effort you need to put into the process is still the same – if not more. Prior to meeting him, when my end goal was more along the lines of finding someone to go home with, rather than finding someone to come home to, doing the work on myself was also extremely helpful as I was able to articulate what I wanted and my expectations of any given situation with a potential new match from the very beginning.

If you’re wholeheartedly looking for love but you’re connecting with people who are there to basically mislead you, that’s heartbreaking and a waste of time. I mean, going on tons of unsuccessful first dates is pretty much the worst. Perhaps too many, actually, because I was still finding it difficult to nail down what I was looking for. But, as I mentioned, she was a great friend so she forced me to think about the answers to these questions and then articulate them to her. This is why everyone is having such a hard time online. People didn’t play games with me to engage in this weird, nonchalant “hook-up” culture bullshit. Because I simply did not let them happen and when I thought I was dealing with someone who was playing them, I was able to let go of the situation quickly because it was something I knew I was absolutely not interested in. Listen to Ru Paul: you want success in online dating? Kate Regan created online dating blog Dating For Science so when people ask her what she is doing on the weekend, she can say “experiments.” When not *ahem* “experimenting,” she contributes to The Bold Italic, and writes Just the Tip, an advice column focusing on online dating.

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