En español | You made the mistake of asking your adult daughter if that guy she went out with last night was "anything serious." She gave you a nonchalant shrug and smiled.
"Don't book the church yet, Mom — it was just a hookup!
The next morning (or even that night) come the recriminations: Was it wrong to give that person the sexual green light when you had no intention of rekindling the emotional side of the relationship?
Marilyn, a 57-year-old single colleague of mine, recently reconnected with someone she had worked with many years ago. "No," Marilyn said with a laugh, "it's better than that: I'm in like with him — and that's exactly where I want to be." She further confided that they planned to make their reunions "a regular thing — if four times a year can be called 'regular.' But I think that's about all I really want." Marilyn's casual approach to maintaining a friendship with benefits typifies the mindset of older folks who have reconciled themselves to having "great fun" even if it's "just one of those things." And episodic pleasure-seeking may be more common than you think: In The Normal Bar, a book I wrote last year with Chrisanna Northrup and James Witte, we reported that 61 percent of female survey respondents who had partners fantasized about someone they had met.
But instead of looking for long-term love, some people are turning to these services for one-night stands and even advice from locals when traveling.
Others just want to look at sexy — and not-so-sexy — pics when they’re bored.
For 50-plus types unwilling to walk — possibly rewalk — the path that leads to romance, rings and relocation, the prospect of a "friend with benefits" is looking less and less like a millennial indulgence.
For sure, people who associate intimacy with commitment are ill-suited to sex that's as meaningful as a summer breeze; for them, the FWB arrangement would be a bad idea.
“I don’t know how to say this without sounding like a scumbag, but I used it as a confidence boost,” he said.
But he said he wouldn’t use Tinder to find a significant other because he thinks it’s harder to trust people you meet on the app.
Others describe Tinder as convenient and fun, and possibly a route to a relationship — but there are obstacles.
“A lot of guys will message just terrible things, right off the bat,” said Maddie Forshee, a 21-year-old-student in Grand Rapids, Mich.